Monthly Archives: April 2014

Note to self: the world does not revolve around you

I have never been one of those people who thinks that everything should just be given to me as soon as I ask for it. I am not selfish (at least not in a malicious way) and I will always bend over backwards to help out a friend in need (for example I drove for 3 1/2 hours once to give a friend a hug when she was especially upset over something). But there is one very insecure part of me that seems to believe every whispered comment passed on while I am in the room and every laugh that blasts out when I leave a room is about me!

I can’t help it! At work if someone leans over to someone else and whispers I automatically panic thinking that I have just done something worth commenting on. Why do I automatically feel that every move I make garners hushed commentary from people around me? I am not that important!

I walk into the gym and I can hear people thinking “what does she think she is doing here?”

I order some food and I feel people thinking “Is she really gonna eat all that?”

I go to a club (on one of those amazingly rare occasions) and I just know people are looking at me and thinking “She dances like a freak!”

I’m sure all of these people have much better things to think about than me.

I think if I could just get out of this then I may very well be able to get something done in my life!

Leave a comment

Posted by on April 24, 2014 in Ramblings


Tags: , ,

When did having fun become so hard?

I will never understand the need for people to get together at work of all places and try to force everyone else into having fun! Work is just that, it’s a job I do so that at the end of the day I can pay for something and help keep a roof over my head. Very few people in life get to do a job that they truly love on an emotional level and those that do either have so much money they have lost all concept of it or they are seriously considering trying to live without heating or hot water. I tried that once, it didn’t work out so maybe I’m just irreparably jaded at 29 but hey…

Now I work in a job with good money that it not too demanding and with people I like working with. The problem seems to be that I am in a closed department that does not really need (or want) to interact with other departments. Collectively we are the child in pre-school happily sitting quietly in the corner rolling a toy back and forth while everyone else is all noisy and messy. But that is absolutely fine! It is just a shame that others think we just can’t be bothered.

Whenever big events are planned for the staff at work we can’t go as our hours are different and we are the only ones who are customer facing so we can’t just shut up shop and wander off. They hold desk decorating competitions but as the other office is open plan and ours is in a different room we get overlooked. even with something as simple as a works buffet we get people coming in to tell us to get the leftovers before they are thrown away and didn’t we want anything when it was all warm or something?

It’s not that we don’t want to do things, who wouldn’t want to spend an hour stood around a buffet table doing not-work? The issue is we physically can’t and that is infuriating, so we have to force ourselves to look like we can, otherwise we can the planning committee passing comments about how nice it would be for us to actually join in sometime.

Isn’t putting people under pressure to have fun kinda defeating to whole object of the exercise?

I don’t know, I’ve already been told I’m grumpy today, despite being in fancy dress in line with the theme of the event. Shame.

I am, however really enjoying my new book. Having read mystery, crime and sci-fi books in the last month or so I have now started on a bit of slice-of-life drama called “Wine in my sippy cup”. It’s actually quite entertaining. 40% and counting.

Leave a comment

Posted by on April 17, 2014 in Uncategorized


Tags: , , ,

The far distant future of the 1990’s

Last year someone put me onto a series of sci-fi books by an author called Isaac Asimov and I have to say he has very quickly become one of my all time favourite authors. I can imagine how impossible the concepts in his books must have been when they were first published and the fact that we are now a couple of decades past his post-apocalyptic future adds massive charm to his books. you can very clearly see just how gripped people were with a fear of how far science would be able to go with the production of robots so human-like in appearance that you may not be able to tell the difference. It also speaks volumes about racial equality and inherent rights of what is arguably a sentient being.

Anyhoo, I caught the classic sci-fi bug and trawled the internet for copies of various different books that I could download onto my kindle (which is quickly becoming the one inanimate object I would run into a burning building to save).

Enter ‘Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep?’ by Philip K. Dick


I have to say this is one of the strangest books I have ever read. It is bizarre in it’s portrayal of a protagonist with a rather dubious sense of morality especially bearing in mind that empathy has become the highest virtue. I did have a little bit of trouble imaging the setting, especially as every mode of transport is by hover cars that park on roofs adorned with animal enclosures. I have no real idea if there is even a ground left or if the buildings have all melded into one as in Asimov’s books, except for that one unfortunate passing comment about the goat. I found that it glossed over what I would have believed to be very important plot points which was a little irritating as the characters seemed to act differently that I would have expected.

It also did something to me on a personal level that no book has ever done before. It made me feel sorry for a spider!

Still, it is a brilliant book and a surprisingly quick read so I would recommend that if you have not yet tried it then you should give it a go. I’ve also never seen Blade Runner so I have no idea how the movie stacks up against the original source.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the first of my random book posts. I won’t glorify it to call it a review, I just feel like sharing!

Leave a comment

Posted by on April 16, 2014 in Books


Tags: , , , , ,

Well, this is embrassing!

Well that didn’t last long did it? One month with next to no activity except a few sporadic gym (aka sauna) visits and a little bit of half-hearted sewing. I honestly don’t know what is wrong with me! Where does the time even go?

I nearly killed myself this morning diving back into the gym with a 30 minute class which was very helpfully called “Insanity”. It is called that for a reason it seems!!! I saw a video that my gym posted of that class and thought it looked good. High energy but no complex moves. I could never keep up with the steps in Zumba and always ended up tripping over my feet!

I left after 15 minutes.

I felt dizzy and light headed and a bit sick to be honest. I stood to the back of the class for a moment but realised that I would not be able to get back into it so I ran. I was shaking and felt like crying, I ended up sat on the floor of the changing rooms with my back against the cold stone wall and that felt like the best place ever!!! When I finally stood up I still felt shaky so I went for a dip in the wellness pool and read my kindle (The a waterproof cover I got from Ebay for about £3 is the best thing I have ever purchased!).

Someone once said “Defeat is a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.”

Well, I’m not going to give up. Maybe that class is a bit much for me. I do, after all, have zero upper body strength and next to no stamina (I’m much more of a sprinter than a distance runner) so my plan is to contact the instructor who took that class and ask for her recommendations of something a little less… insane. I do really need to book a personal training session to get some form of routine set but I will tackle that one another day.

I guess national gyms make their money this way, with people signing up for long contracts and then never seeing them again. I did that with one large national gym which we shall not talk about but I do not want to be doing that with the gym I am with now. Unfortunately, it seems that wanting to stick with this is simply not good enough…

Leave a comment

Posted by on April 15, 2014 in Gym


Tags: , , ,