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Note to self: the world does not revolve around you

I have never been one of those people who thinks that everything should just be given to me as soon as I ask for it. I am not selfish (at least not in a malicious way) and I will always bend over backwards to help out a friend in need (for example I drove for 3 1/2 hours once to give a friend a hug when she was especially upset over something). But there is one very insecure part of me that seems to believe every whispered comment passed on while I am in the room and every laugh that blasts out when I leave a room is about me!

I can’t help it! At work if someone leans over to someone else and whispers I automatically panic thinking that I have just done something worth commenting on. Why do I automatically feel that every move I make garners hushed commentary from people around me? I am not that important!

I walk into the gym and I can hear people thinking “what does she think she is doing here?”

I order some food and I feel people thinking “Is she really gonna eat all that?”

I go to a club (on one of those amazingly rare occasions) and I just know people are looking at me and thinking “She dances like a freak!”

I’m sure all of these people have much better things to think about than me.

I think if I could just get out of this then I may very well be able to get something done in my life!

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Posted by on April 24, 2014 in Ramblings

 

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When did having fun become so hard?

I will never understand the need for people to get together at work of all places and try to force everyone else into having fun! Work is just that, it’s a job I do so that at the end of the day I can pay for something and help keep a roof over my head. Very few people in life get to do a job that they truly love on an emotional level and those that do either have so much money they have lost all concept of it or they are seriously considering trying to live without heating or hot water. I tried that once, it didn’t work out so maybe I’m just irreparably jaded at 29 but hey…

Now I work in a job with good money that it not too demanding and with people I like working with. The problem seems to be that I am in a closed department that does not really need (or want) to interact with other departments. Collectively we are the child in pre-school happily sitting quietly in the corner rolling a toy back and forth while everyone else is all noisy and messy. But that is absolutely fine! It is just a shame that others think we just can’t be bothered.

Whenever big events are planned for the staff at work we can’t go as our hours are different and we are the only ones who are customer facing so we can’t just shut up shop and wander off. They hold desk decorating competitions but as the other office is open plan and ours is in a different room we get overlooked. even with something as simple as a works buffet we get people coming in to tell us to get the leftovers before they are thrown away and didn’t we want anything when it was all warm or something?

It’s not that we don’t want to do things, who wouldn’t want to spend an hour stood around a buffet table doing not-work? The issue is we physically can’t and that is infuriating, so we have to force ourselves to look like we can, otherwise we can the planning committee passing comments about how nice it would be for us to actually join in sometime.

Isn’t putting people under pressure to have fun kinda defeating to whole object of the exercise?

I don’t know, I’ve already been told I’m grumpy today, despite being in fancy dress in line with the theme of the event. Shame.

I am, however really enjoying my new book. Having read mystery, crime and sci-fi books in the last month or so I have now started on a bit of slice-of-life drama called “Wine in my sippy cup”. It’s actually quite entertaining. 40% and counting.

 
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Posted by on April 17, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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